"Yes!" Questions - To TES Spring 2012 with Love!

Why, I ask myself, do I feel the rush to put these words out?

Why, when only a few weeks ago, I longed to see this day?

Why, when I thought I should jump in joy and shout,

My heart goes quiet and my feelings solemnly lay?

As I search myself for answers to these queries

I find replies for questions I haven't even asked

Is it possible to collect a lifetime worth of memories

And make great friends in just seven weeks that passed?

Is one night in woods enough to bring four men together?

Is it possible to share a part of life over a few meals?

Can intimacy be measured by the number of laughs shared?

Or a few slides about a person make him or her so dear?

Can five such men be found, who impart wisdom in so few words?

Are bonds really blind to age, language, culture and nation?

Can they really flock together, diverse feathered birds?

Are love, inspiration and respect really the same emotion?

"Yes!", the answer presents itself to all the questions.

The answer makes me gleefully sad.

While I am happy I learned that all this is possible

It saddens me as the time for learning has come to an end.

"Not to worry", I hear thirty and more voices say to me.

The answer is "Yes" to more questions than I've thought of!

Shall we carry the light of this learning ahead and higher?

Shall we meet again, sooner or not, to relive these friendships?

Time may try and put all the seven seas between us

But shall we commit to keep each other close to our thoughts?

My answer is still a loud "Yes!", hope you heard it.

If not, I will tell you the same in my dreams tonight!

The Dirty Poem

This is a page torn off the histories never told.
A page written in the blood of fantastic tragedies.
It talks of celebrated sacrifices and stained destiny.
And a little bit of the pleasurable beauty of a dying soul.

I was born to a generous famine which didn't let me die.
I was born to a heartless world which couldn't let me live.
So, I linger in the shadows between life and death -
Dressed up for both occasions, waiting to be murdered every night.

You remember me, don't you?
You can definitely recollect the warmth my cold death brought to your heart.
You can vaguely remember my fake smile and my strong scent.
If you try harder, you can even remember my name and my voice.
But I ask you, do you remember the empty stomach you touched
As you pushed your desire deep into me?

You remember the taste of the bought out love of my corpse.
You remember the buying price you paid to rent my body from my soul
You also remember your worthlessness measured by the worth you paid for me.
Then why don't you remember the deafening silence in my moans?
Nor the drowning wetness of tears in the pleasure I serve to you?

You need me to prove your worth as a man.
You need me as a walking proof of your hypocrisy.
You need me as a sleeping bed for your malice.
You need me to make you feel king, even if so for a few minutes.
You need me to symbolise the most elemental need of your survival.
You need me to fill your dreams and the voids in your life.
You need me to be denigrated by day and devoured by night,
To satisfy your carnal and cannibal instincts.
You need me to feed your false ego with crumbs of my dignity.
You need me because I am the woman you fantasize the most about.
You need me because I am the reflection of the adultery of your thoughts.
You need me because you cannot call yourself a whore!

What Is It That I Want To Be!?

This is not a poem nor a monologue
It ain't no speech, diary or graphic
It is plain words falling together
To form a bridge between me and me
To tell myself What Is It That I Want To Be!?

Close to Her, so close that I cannot hear myself
In the music of Her heartbeat
My soul in Her body, my thoughts surrounding Her
So close that I'd be practically half Her existence
Her Life is what I want to be..

Timeless delicacies of words minced with pain
Fathered by my fruitless past and a hopeful future -
Let them drain my creativity on paper
Building my own refuge of literature
Poet is what I want to be..

Forgotten by the multitudes in the density of events
Still fondly remembered by the few I call friends
A timid presence urging to be felt
Leaving a footprint worth of a lifetime
Friend is what I want to be..

Lending a shade to the dying lamp of Art
Nurturing a few lives here and there
Spending my life to give more than I ask
In search of meaning and reason, value and pride
Explorer is what I want to be..

All this is what I want to be..
Before I heave a sigh of relief,
The question knocks the doors of my thought
It bothers me yet again to think
Is this all that I want to be?

In that moment..

In the moment..

When the sudden rush of Consciousness
Filled within all my six senses

When the forgotten entirety of my Life
Shrunk to a stunning fact of existence

When the visions of the Future so protected
Seemed to Puff!! And Vanish among the bubbles

When the regret of not saying the words
I have forever hesitated to say
Weighed me down more than I could bear

When the experiences I have put away for later
Punished me for not grabbbing them when presented

When the Love locked deep in my heart
Seemed to rot for not having shared with my world

When the Truth that I LIVE
Struck me harder than it ever did

When the grilling stare of Death
Melted my heart but steeled my nerves

When Life as given to me
Rushed to fill my lungs as it did first time long ago

When Friends I made for life
Were lost and found again

When wise words that were jokes of my past
Became lessons I would write about for the rest of my life

When I knew I would die
When I almost died

In that moment..

I have lived an Eternity called Lifetime!!

When the World sleeps!

Beauty happens when the World sleeps!
Starry skies, moonlight showers,
Lakeside breeze or the jasmine flowers,
Beauty happens when the World sleeps!

Visions of your dreams, things you want to do
Pride for what you've done, not when the world claps for you
Beauty lies in sights that your inner-self, for you, keeps.
So, beauty happens only when the World sleeps!

Forgotten are the moments of beauty, joy and weeps
Faces of your friends have gone out of touch
Vicious pangs of this busy World are such
Beauty happens only when the World sleeps!

Remember the tenderness in your first teenage romance?
Or the last time you asked your partner for a dance?
Did the World buzz around when you took those leaps?
No, since beauty happens only when the World sleeps!

So, make sure the busy world around you sleeps
To rouse the beautiful world inside you
For nature, friends or love - old and new
All the beauty happens when the World sleeps!

Eulogy to the Me in me

Drenched in agony and in pain,
Travelling down the amnesia lane,
Treading upon the passions buried
Under the ambitous weight carried
Lamenting over the self I've become
Robotic and rich, corporate and numb
Given up on the dance, the lyric and the song
The human side of me forgotten long
Blinded to what my heart has been screaming
Forgetting whatever my past has been dreaming
Thrown out of life, pulled into existence
I don't like what I'm doing, no reason, no substance
Nothing that's close to what I wanted to be
I've become a vegetable, no merry, no hobby!

Infidelity

To a dearly love writes a desperate man,
Desperate to shred his yoke of guilt.
TO you I confess in shame and disgust -
I have slept with another lady last night.

Enthused by a rising fit of lust,
Encouraged by the sweet offerings of hers,
Yielding to a temptation never felt before
I have slept with that lady last night.

In a moment of an utmost desire
When I could push you off my mind,
I gave in to that smile and that love
And I have slept with her last night.

Infidelity is not the word to describe it.
May be I should be damned for life.
But she was such a damzzel I say.
How could I not sleep with her last night?

I may have wronged beyond penance
Because I slept with her last night.
But I apologise, if you can pardon me
For I slept with your memories last night!

The Story Just Begins Here..

For a decade and a gone-by lifetime
I have been writing about me, you or her.
Today it's a story of ours - not mine
About a new life in bliss together.

Once upon a time, not very long ago,
That I refuse to recollect and fail to forget
I lived a life that I cannot justify.
For valuing nothing as life and life as naught
Only fools from fables can reason.
I am glad that life is over now and that I am reborn.
And yes, the story begins here.

I have been foolish but not without reason.
I was backed by a million hands hailing me.
One, late I realised belonged to her.
I am so tempted to call her a goddess.
But I shan't lest she be distanced from me.
I am so tempted to thank her.
But I shan't lest she be repaid by me.

It took me a longer while than it should have
To feel her warmth or hear her caution me.
But when I finally heard it at last,
I knew I need her and she was made for me.

Time has been my judge. Time has been my sentence.
But if punishment were as sweet as she
I'd commit my crime over and over again.
To know that she shall hold me before I fall
I shall totter, trip and stumble.
To know that she shall love me no matter what.
I shall make my mistakes and learn from her.
She pampers my faults - she loves it when I am wrong.
For she can then love me more and take me a little closer!

Of all the things I never asked God,
I regret not asking for her.
For now I have to carry the guilt
Of getting more than I can ever ask for!

It's a life of a million happy men
That I proudly will get to live with her.
I bid end to my new beginning here.
And as I said, the story just BEGINS here. :)